Prevailing one’s life in the finest stage is, by and large, everyone’s innate ambitious. From this matter of fact, we can rightly assume that everyone is ambitious.

Yes, everyone is ambitious, but why not everyone achieves their ambitions? Concentrating on this philosophical question, I have reached one answer: “because not everyone is genuinely ambitious.” This article will cover the differences between plain ambition and genuine ambition.

Yes, everyone wants to live in luxury, in term of materialism and idealism (dignity and scholarship), but this group of everyone is reluctant to set off the journey to their ambition destination. The reasons that I call this group of people: plain ambitious people, because they are reluctant to start the journey, hesitate to challenge the problems or any drawback, scare of new things or of the differences, and finally, does not know or implement my life-improvement formula: “ambition and perspiration must absolutely be on par with one another.”

I dare to say that this first group of ambitious people will never reach their ambition destination, because their human ignorance is prevailing. The second group of people is called: “the genuinely ambition people.”

This group of people accepts and implements my life-improvement formula: “ambition and perspiration must absolutely be on par with one another.” To be short, genuinely ambitious people know the truth behind success, and these truths are daring to face challenges and differences, never apply sit-and-wait tenet and finally struggling and always struggling to their destined ambitions.

Lay Vicheka’s self-improvement formula: balanced ambition + balanced perspiration = destined ambition. Coined Tuesday, May 30, 2006 at 10:17, Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Lay Vicheka is a translator for the most celebrated translation agency in the Kingdom of Cambodia, Pyramid Translation Co.Ltd.. He is now hoding other two professions: freelance writer for Search Newspaper; focusing on social issues and students’ issues and Media Liaison Officer for Asia’s first free on-line IELTS consultation website. Lay Vicheka is the expert author for ezine and prolific article contributor to other websites around the world such as articlecity, 365articles, spiderden, talesofasia, etc (Just google him). He is also a volunteer Cambodian-newspapers columnist (Rasmey Kampuchea and Kampuchea Thmey). Lay Vicheka has great experience in law and politics, as he used to be legal and English-language assistant to a Cambodian member of parliament, migration experience (home-based business) and in writing. He is also member of a New York-based research company. Posting address: 221H Street 93, Tuol Sangke quarter, Russey Keo district, Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Tel: 855 11 268 445, vichekalay@yahoo.com

The word “journal” comes from the French. It dates back to the 14th century and means daily. As recently as April 26, 1999, “Newsweek” magazine ran an article entitled “Pen, Paper, & Power. Confessional Writing can be Good for You.”

Recently, the JAMA had completed a study in which sick participants wrote about their feelings and events in their lives. “Newsweek” wrote, “Researchers found that asthma patients who wrote about painful experiences, improved their lung function by 19%. Patients with rheumatoid arthritis saw their symptoms decrease by 27%.”

Journaling can be a wonderful experience. It can be a place to express feelings not yet ready for verbal communication. The journal provides a private and safe place to reveal yourself. It can serve as a reflective experience to explore and interpret your inner feelings. It can also offer a tool to express your anger and hurts. It is a vehicle to help you to get the feelings out of your body. When we repress negative feelings, we may experience headaches, stomach aches, high blood pressure, to name a few.

Do not worry about grammar, punctuation, or spelling. Let your words flow freely and do not judge them. This is a place to unwind, to focus, and to experience clarity.

If you take the time to write out your thoughts and feelings, you will discover that you usually feel much calmer than when you started. And you may find that the answer you seek is a few lines away.

Sound too simple? There are some guidelines to help you along the way. You can buy a notebook or plain paper. The important thing is to keep it in a safe place but get everyone in your family, home, office, to agree not to read it should they come across it.

Where to begin? A simple exercise can be writing down your name. Look at it and think about what it means to you. Free association can be very helpful too. Here are some other ideas for getting started:

Write down words to a song and what they mean to you.

Make a list of important people in your life and what they mean to you.

Write about what makes you happy.

Write about what makes you angry or sad.

Write about what hurts.

Write letters that you are never going to send, about your anger, sorrow, disappointments with someone.

Also be sure to write about some positive things in your life also. This is not a place to dump on yourself.

If you feel your emotions are getting out of control, you can stop writing for a time. It is important to return, but sometimes a pause is healthy.

If you seek more information, there is a wealth of information on the Internet. Although not a substitute for professional help, should you need it, journaling can offer joy, relief, and insight.

Karlynn Baker grew up in Los Angeles, California, and moved to Arizona in 1972 to receive her MS degree in rehabilitation counseling. She also specializes in addictions. She owns her own counseling business and enjoys life with her husband, David, three daughters, and three adorable grandsons.

I was boggled as to what exactly I wanted to share with my article lovers tonight. I had a plan, then one of my members commented in my self esteem website. Well, in short, my mind would not let her comment rest. It was a sentence regarding, “CONTROL”. Here it is:

“If I can’t trust my spouse to keep their sexual promise to me why am I in this relationship? I don’t ever want to “control” another person’s life. I choose to believe in the promise until prove otherwise. Positive attracts positive.”

My first thought was,”WOW”! Does one really feel that they are controlling their mate?

How does wanting them to just be with you, become a control factor?

How does your wanting to be just the one, become a control factor?

How does not wanting them to look, or talk personally to another person, become a control factor?

How does making them feel like you are suppose to be the only thing on their minds, become a control factor?

How does checking their phone logs, or their computer logs, become a control factor?

Is wondering what they are doing at every minute, a control factor?

Is questioning them on their every move, a control factor?

Is going through their pockets, looking for anything that might lead you to believe they are breaching their commitment to you, a control factor?

Is deleting messages, they may receive on their computer, a control factor?

Is asking their friends about a certain night out, a control factor?

Is tasting them with a kiss when they have been out, a control factor?

Hmmmm, how many of these questions, or worries, have you been guilty of?

I really have to wonder who it is, that is being controlled with these jealous worries? You or them?

I totally feel that jealousy is controlling you; if you can say yes to half of these questions, it is controlling you in a very, very destructive way. You are becoming caught in a vicious circle. You will search, and through that search you are allowing yourself to be controlled each time you apply any of the above thoughts or actions.

It’s one of those “you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don`t” situations. To not question and search, you are left to trust and have faith and believe in your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to do when you allow weakness to control your thoughts. To become skeptical with your heart is a very long, lonely journey to nowhere. You have to allow your mind to rest and trust the one you have chosen to give your heart to. Yes it is risky, but that’s what love is. Trust, believe, do not control, and most of all feel like you are that special person they chose as a life partner.

There are going to be times when your partner will be involved with someone that may feel threatening to you. This is when your partner will know the line. They will know to keep their personals in tact. They will know that to cross that line will only set your relationship up for complication. Another good point that was made by a member of my website was this:

“Most of us at some point are sexually attracted to someone other than our spouse but, it’s whether or not we act on that attraction that defines our relationship.”

AND

“I have to ask myself though…is it reasonable to control my significant others’ friendships, “just in case” they develop a sexual attraction?”

This is when the line has to be drawn by both parties. “To be human is to error”. I know that sounds like an excuse to fail another. It may be in some instances and it may not be in others. There are so many situations in life, that I can only generalize.

Again, “CONTROL” is the word that comes to mind here. The control mentioned above, is of oneself again, but in a positive way. We choose to control that moment of lust or interest; there are many words for it. The choice of control is really what matters in a relationship.

The worry of “What if”, will always be hovering. This is where our true commitment lies. It is through belief and trust. Is it not sweeter to feel good about the,”US” in our lives? Is it not finer to feel that we can control the negative thoughts and only allow positive thoughts rule our actions? Well then take a positive, “CONTROL” on your thoughts.

Let your love guide you. Let your love show you the way to a life of smiles and happiness. Oh and HUGGZ. You all know I am big on those. Huggz are a very nice way to control ones body. It can send messages from one to another in the most pleasant way. So, why I ask, is that not something you would do every second you can? It’s like someone saying, “OK, you can eat as much of your favorite food as you want and never gain a single pound”. HA, like as if we would not all take advantage of that in this world of restaurants at every foot of the road, that are full every day . Think about that people.

So, my question for you to think on tonight is,” Do you want to be controlled by you, or do you want to control, you? I will leave you with that thought to ponder and a couple more… HUGGZZZZZZZ plz!!

If you CONTROL your thoughts,

(your feelings come from your

thoughts) then you control your feelings!

********************

You can`t control

what goes on outside,

but you can always control

what goes on inside!

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

Many times we can be guilty of focusing mostly on our troubles and worries. It can become an effort to do the everyday things like washing dishes, mowing the lawn, feeding the kids a decent meal. Is there a way to overcome these feelings that keep us down and unwilling to do the things we need to do? Is there a way to get back on track emotionally and make a difference at the same time?

One surefire way to get your mind off your troubles and to make a difference is to stop focusing on yourself and focus instead on someone else and their needs. There are countless people who very seldom receive any kindness or thoughtful treatment; many who need to know they matter to someone; many who need to know someone cares. You can make a difference and lift your spirits all at one time!

Once you’ve decided to take this step, what do you do? Below are five kindness motivation tips from the free e-book, 101 Ways to Change the World.

1. Everyone needs friendship (even you).

2. Find a kid who needs to know they matter - unfortunately, there are way too many of them.

3. Share flowers or vegetables from your garden

4. Become an email Pen Pal with someone - it is so easy to send daily e-mails in order to make a difference in someone’s life. You could email:

5. Put gift certificates in a special card or note. Go to your local:

Many of the bad things happening in our world are done by people who never believed they mattered. No one took the time to show kindness or let them know they are special. Just one act - changing a person’s anger and sadness with your love - can have a far-reaching impact!

Use these five kindness motivation tips to start your own ideas flowing.

Author Ginny Dye shares how practical acts of kindness can make a difference in our world. Get all 101 tips on how you can make a difference by going to http://www.101WaysSeries.com and request “101 Ways to Change the World”.

It is being suggested here that we have only one real choice in life:

To let go of fear and resistance and be taken by the flow of life, or, to fight, screaming all the way, as the flow of life takes us anyway.

Life is. It moves.

The only way we can avoid that is to die - either to our awareness of ourselves (insanity), or physically (death).

To let go of fear and resistance is, of course, not easy, and there are many different approaches to life that attempt to help us with that.

The central confusion around this is exemplified by the two views:

That we have no choice whatsoever - that life is pre-ordained. Or, that almost all of life is choice - that we make good or bad choices depending on our level of self awareness or luck.

There is a “middle” way.

That we do have choice, but just one:

To recognise that we are going with the flow of life no matter what, in the same way that a twig in a stream is taken by the water and that to fight the water only brings pain and suffering - the twig cannot of its own volition, go up-stream.

A wise person, seeing this, lets go and enjoys the ride - the multi-textured roller- coaster ride of life.

This takes an extraordinary willingness to see through and let go of the (perceived) safety of our day-to-day views of life.

Our day-to-day life is a complex mix of trauma, fear, mistaken ideas about life, inherited beliefs, competing “truths” about life and unmet childhood needs.

All of this makes the roller coaster ride of life look like a terrifyingly uncertain and dangerous thing.

We deny, we hide, we fight. We do everything we can to hold onto the sides of the roller coaster and not go on the ride - no matter how painful and unsatisfying this is.

How “free” is any action of ours anyway if we are unconsciously and blindly driven by all of these fear and confusion-filled survival motivations?

In this situation our every next action is determined by the limited current state of our unconscious psyches, rather than the by the all of life.

So, the challenge is, will we make the only choice we have and let go of all of our self-imposed limitations so that we can immerse ourselves in the free-flow of life?

To become life.

This challenge is deeply terrifying to our beings, because it means letting go of our deep-seated need to be in control of our lives.

We need to believe that we are in control of our lives because we feel, in our earliest unmet childhood place, that we have no control and that’s very scary.

We need to decide for ourselves what kind of life we want to live:

Being dragged along by life, terrified (but hiding it well), kicking and screaming, or, to leap onto the roller coaster and glory in the ride, exhilarated by every twist and turn, delighted by all the beautiful textures and experiences along the way.

No one else can do it for us. It’s up to us.

Go well.

About The Author

Many years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics and physics.

Ongoing relationship therapy with couples, families and post-natal depression groups is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches.

Author/illustrator children’s picture books (e.g. I Wish My Dad Was A Pirate). Music CD (The Nothing Booth).

Related web site: www.becomereal.com. For online access to unique self growth process.

When you are smack dab in the middle of a problem, there doesn’t seem to be any way out. You feel overcome with tension, anxiety and worry. The speeding non-stop thoughts racing through your head feel sickening. Never relinquishing control for an instant, that insidious mind ferociously threatens any chance of sanity you long for. Its crushing mental blows are disheartening, making you feel isolated and alone. Nothing but fear courses through your veins as you frantically seek freedom the chaos.

Stop a minute before you accept total defeat and ask yourself this question. Have you ever noticed that every time this happens you never pause long enough to realize that your mind is any place but NOW, in the present moment? Like a horse at the starting gate, you quickly bolt to the “what if” department firmly convinced you can predict the future. There’s a lot of disjointed, useless worrying going on instead of being current with the instant. Isn’t there? Rather than taking a second to calm down when you feel thrown, you immediately seek relief by lamenting over past predicaments or jumping ahead to ferret out what’s might happen. Your vivid imagination is quickly used as a crutch to avoid staying right now.

Uncomfortably hectic feelings of the unknown make it unbearable for you to want to stay focused on NOW (where unlimited options occur if you let them). You’d much rather feed the need to figure things out. You project unlimited scenarios then live in mortal fear of your own creations. Totally unaware and oblivious to the fact that it’s the emotion surrounding what’s happening showing for you to look at. You’re being challenged to move away from what you know from past patterning. Challenged to move out of the habitual and into the spontaneous.

The whole process of change feels horrible because it’s automatic to flip to what you’re used to. You’ve been taught that this little scheming mind provides healthy, methodical plans designed to protect you from repeated mistakes. “Learn from experience,” you’re told. “Plan ahead.” “Don’t leave the future to chance.” None of which support real happiness. All of which are in direct opposition to living in the NOW. NOW means NOW. It’s the smartest move you can make if you want truly want the most helpful action.

The mind is not your friend. It’s composed of intellect, which is not necessarily intelligence. That’s the problem. An analytical, emotion-filled referral service which you call a mind (based solely on past/future calculations), guarantees you’ll never have any peace. Made up of ignorance piled on top of ignorance, it tricks you into believing it’s knowledgeable. Playing this game is delightful to it. The more it has you going, the more fearful you become. Like a tennis ball in a heated match it perpetually whips you back and forth, keeping the focus far away from the here and NOW.

There’s no doubt a mind is good for remembering where you live, getting to the grocery store, tasks to be performed at work, names and places. Other than that it’s nothing but a twenty-four hour irritation that never shuts up. Next time you contemplate trusting that mind take this saying into consideration first, “The human mind has an infinite capacity to conceive on a finite basis.” That’s why you keep getting into trouble when you attempt to think your way through things. It’s a dead-end street. A crowded head leaves no room for answers.

In retrospect, don’t all really helpful solutions come out of nowhere? No matter what the size, aren’t real answers spontaneous, profound and unexpected? You followed your gut or were led to take action for one reason or another. Mentally reliving your past and then projecting your known fears into the future leaves absolutely no space for a fresh, unscarred, unblemished present does it? You must let go of your death grip on the known. It’s miraculous when you do. The definition of a miracle is a change of mind.

Staying right now, clinging to the absolute moment is true protection. It’s where all miracles come from. It’s your only protection. There is no past or future, i.e. no thinking in NOW. There is no fear either. You can’t project when you stay NOW. Therefore, problems evaporate. It appears to melt down that which isn’t. Like darkness when light comes in a room, it disappears.

Why? You’re not one second into the future or one second into the past. Prior conditioning isn’t tagging along to interfere with potentiality. Thinking and NOW cannot coexist, therefore, there is never a crisis in NOW. If your past and your future are wiped out, what is there to be afraid of?

Whether you realize it or not, NOW is indestructible and invisible. That’s why it’s a safe place to rest. It’s vastness is infinite, unlimited. When trouble and whatnot flits across your horizon, do you immediately go to NOW and stay there? Or, do you start with all of your troubles and keep running them through your head over and over again?

Do you think to ask yourself if NOW is troubled, or in trouble? If NOW is annoyed? Then continue on by asking yourself if there is more than the one alone, more than this NOW moment? When you start with NOW and stay there, your little bitty tape-playing mind won’t find a listener. It won’t find a place to penetrate and infiltrate. Don’t think it’s silly because it isn’t. The practice of being NOW is the most effective action you can take.

Thinking creates problems. It’s the only hell there is. You take delivery of the goods. You buy the farm and then desperately try to dig your way out of it. You do it to yourself. You’re screaming bloody murder when all along it’s you against yourself. What other mind is doing it to you? Thus the saying, “When you are happy you aren’t thinking and when you are thinking you aren’t happy… so don’t think!”

There’s no doubt that problems seem to be real and overpowering when you’re down in there with them. That’s why you have to get some distance and refrain from any judgment for a while. Worry pushes away answers. You must raise yourself higher than the level of the problem to solve it and that is exactly what staying NOW does. While it doesn’t make rational sense, when you let go and rest in NOW what needs to be done will be done. The trick is remembering to do it.

It may be hard to believe, but everything actually works much better when you stop all your anxious thinking. Try it. The world worked just fine before you came along and it will continue to do so after you leave. Desires, expectations and needs tend to trip you up because they become more important than living life itself. Instead of being nice additions, these external things become demands for happiness.

A quote from the book Visthistha’s Yoga says, “The very best intelligent means by which the mind can be subdued is complete freedom from desire, hope or expectation, in regard to all objects at all times.” Which means lighten your burden through non-attachment. Let go and live. Live from NOW to NOW, not knowing what’s next. It’s very easy and very difficult at the same time. Yet, anyone who is truly earnest in his/her effort will achieve this.

Aren’t you always surprised if you don’t expect anything? You are happier too. “My burden is light,” comes from the Gospel According to Thomas. When you don’t have hope, desire or expectation can you possibly feel weighted down? Your mind ends up leading you instead of you leading it, like a dog walking its master rather than the other way around. You start fidgeting and projecting, and then your mind just goes nuts. You worry yourself to death, needlessly and miss the beauty of NOW. You’re too busy analyzing everything to death because you want to be right. You miss every thing that’s precious and valuable.

When was the last time you actually appreciated the blueness of the sky, the colors of a rainbow or the gentleness of a butterfly? How long has it been since you really looked at the trees, noticed the beauty of colorful flowers or smelled freshly cut grass? You can’t grab NOW. By the time you try to grab this NOW, there is another NOW. Certainly, you can enjoy the fragrance of each special moment by being a present part of its splendor.

Don’t be like Mrs. Lott (from the Bible) who turned to look back and became a pillar of salt. Looking back into the past is deadness. Looking forward into the future is lifeless. If you want peace, drop thinking and hand over your mind to NOW. Just put one foot in front of the other and stay absolutely, positively right NOW. NOW and God are synonymous terms. How risky could it be? It may seem impractical, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Armed with only her heart and an idea Pat Zerman founded the Atlanta Center for Attitudinal Awareness. The Center has been providing dynamic personal and spiritual growth opportunities for 15 years. Pat counsels, conducts classes and publishes a monthly newsletter. She has produced audio and videotapes and made guest appearances on TV and radio shows. Her dedication, caring and years of exprience continue to positively change lives for those who participate in her classes or read her book, Twelve Guaranteed Ways to Stay Miserable (Or Change).

She received her Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology as well as availing herself of countless books written in the self-help field and a board spectrum of spirutual-based books. Her own difficult life expriences of having an alcoholic mother, the murder of her sister and her stepbrother’s death from AIDS pushed her to dive deeply into these writings.

Clients learn to risk loving and respecting themselves by taking action. People get honest about the feelings that run them and are able to work through and dump emotional baggage.

I sat reflecting on the past year when my friend Charley came into the room. Charley took one look at my face and she could tell I was off in another world. Charley immediately snapped me out of my thoughts by saying, “you have that look on your face!”. I immediately laughed and said, “Oh Charley, I was just reflecting on the past year”.

Charley has always had the ability of drawing everything out of me. She can read my face and she knows when I am deep in thought; she knows when I am upset; she knows when I am happy. She sat down and said, “Tell me what your were thinking”.

“Well Charley”, I replied, “I was listening to a song on the radio that asked what have you done over the last year. I was thinking about the last year. When I reflect on the year, I have had such good fortune, with a few bumps along the way. Charley, at the beginning of the year my life was in such turmoil, challenges with my work, challenges financially, major decisions that I had to make and now here we are at the end of the year and so much has happened”.

Charley immediately focused my thoughts and asked, “Tell me about the three things that impacted you the most during this year”?

I sat thinking if I had to pick only three things that impacted me what would they be? After a few minutes, I looked Charley straight in the eye and said, “Okay here are the three things that impacted me the most:

1. My family.

I realized they are the most important part of my life. Throughout the year I had many challenges, but my family were always there offering support and encouragement. My husband. He understands and supports me even when I perhaps don’t deserve such support. I have great children who make me proud. My parents, my sister and brothers are always there for me no matter what is happening in my life.

2. My friends.

Over the years I have shared my dreams and my goals with my friends. Some goals I have realized and other goals I have not. But friends like you Charley always supported and encouraged me. It really has made a difference. As you know, I am going to make some major changes in my life in the coming year realizing a goal that is about 5 years behind but is finally coming to realization. A goal that will take me many miles away from my dear friends like you Charley but you still supported and encouraged me.

3. My colleagues.

I have worked with some amazing people over the last year. People of whom I had a different perception. But, once I worked with them I realized how wrong my perception was. Sometimes, we past judgment on people and we really don’t realize what they are all about. This year, I had many of my perceptions change. I have been very, very fortunate to have the opportunity to work with some excellent people over the last year.

Charley smiled and said, “Do you realize that everything you have said has one thing in common”?

“What are you saying, Charley?” I asked.

She replied, “The one common denominator is people. The material things in your life, nor your actual job have had the most meaning in your life. It is the people in your life that have had the biggest impact. People have made the biggest difference in your life!” I smiled. Leave it to Charley to see this and point it out to me.

Material things are not important, and while our jobs provide the means, the important things in life are the people who touched our lives.

Catherine Pulsifer is one of the editors of Stress Relief by a Simple Life Where you will find stories, thoughts, poems and inspirational quotes on simplicity, frugal living, free craft projects, stress and more.

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note to publishers - please use the text “Stress Relief by a Simple Life” when linking to http://www.stresslesscountry.com
Thanks!

In this discussion, we talk about Coaching Skills with Phil Orazi, Dean of Chick-fil-A University and Scott Mayson, Business Consultant with Chick-fil-A in Atlanta, Georgia.
Q - What is the role of an Operator at Chick-fil-A, and what are some of the challenges that an Operator faces?

Phil - Operators are selected and are independent contractors for Chick-fil-A. We have some leverage with what they do, but they operate very independent from us. Growth opportunities for the operator can be an additional restaurant. Opportunities come as performance is monitored and the Operators are counseled and supported by the Business Consultants.

Scott - As independent contractors, they are the CEOs of their organizations. The contractor is the president of marketing, the president of human resources, and the president of operations. They are responsible wholly for their restaurant. You can imagine, being in the position, they have to deal with a lot of different people; they have to delegate a lot of responsibilities out. They have to provide insights and direction for all types of people. They are dealing with folks from high school aged team members on up to senior citizens. When you’re in a fast paced environment, dealing with 30 or 40 employees at a time, there are limited time constraints for being able to have some real effective opportunities to coach and counsel their team members.
Q - What are some specific coaching skills issues that your Operators face?

Phil - It’s a challenge to ease off some focus on the present, and be more responsible for the future. As that relates to coaching skills, it allows the Operators to work on the development of their own people to be more responsible for what is going on in the present so that they can focus more of their time on what is going on in the future.

Scott - One [issue] is always the lack of performance. We have quality requirements, so there’s an opportunity to work through. People may not follow procedures for a lot of different reasons. I think that the coaching model allows an Operator to work through each situation by defining the task or issue. There are a lot of opportunities to help a team member understand the value of the requirements and why they’re there. CMOE’s coaching skills model allows great opportunity for dialog. The person who is being coached feels more that it’s an opportunity for learning and development rather than punishment.
Q - Can you give me a specific example of the Coaching Skills model working?

Phil - I think as a manager and director of people, you need everything you can get. Certain steps of the Coaching Skills model affect people differently. I think what is does is it gives you a lot of different behaviors, some of which will work more successfully with some people than others. I found overall I’m more effective when I use the Coaching Skills model completely because one of the steps in the model will generally have an impact on most everyone.

Scott - I recently had a store become available, and I had four Operators ask for this location. So this model gave me a very effective process to go through and almost interview them to help them understand. It’s not just something that I can say “yes, you’re qualified” or “no, you’re not qualified.” It’s just given me a great process so that when we get through, the two of us feel good about the outcome or the decision that’s been made.
Q - What is the one thing that you would tell workshop participants before sending them out the door?

Phil - I would say that they don’t need to hide this. They should openly use the Coaching Skills Model. Apply it to every situation you can. I think you can be real open with this, whether it is for performance improvement or starting a project, or whatever.

Scott - They need to seek out every opportunity they can to use the model. And more importantly, use the individual behaviors or skills associated with that model. Use it in as many opportunities as you can. It’s just like a muscle, you know you’ve got to use it or lose it. It is probably the most powerful tool of influence that I’ve found, and it’s just because of the questions that I ask. First, it comes across that I really care, and second, I’m asking very insightful questions that are important to the issue and I’m not providing all of the answers. When I ask those questions, it either engages them emotionally or intellectually. It’s like you grab their heat or their head. It invokes emotion or thought. When you sit down and take somebody through that process, it’s just a very healthy process to follow and it just gets powerful results.
Q - It sounds like you’re telling me that effective Coaching Skills is not just something you do, it’s something you become?

Scott - Yes. That is the deal. You know, I have a very strong desire to become good at what we understand is coaching (skills). I kind of equate it with focusing on results and focusing on the relationship. We all want to get results, but I never want to get results at the expense of sacrificing the relationship. But if I spend all my energy on the relationship and not focus on results, we’ll be the best friends in the world, but neither one of us will be very effective. Both are important in the process.

If you would like to learn more information about CMOE’s coaching skills program and the success we have had in your industry, please contact a Regional Manager at (801) 569-3444 or visit their website.