Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.

THE JOY OF JELLY BEANS
–Or, how a little bit of juicy jiggle makes the world go round –

According to North American researchers, the only happy members of society these days are “Type B” personalities.

Type Bs are, by definition, not “Type A” personalities. No one could mistake them for a fault-finding flibbertygibbet or a fastidious fusspot. And, you’ll never find them pushing the “Up” button feverishly on a high-speed elevator going nowhere. There is just one thing that they’re driven to do at all costs, obey the posted speed limit, even when riding a unicycle.

To the dismay of the statisticians and pollsters, the only folks who truely fit the “happiest people” profile to a tee are apprenticing morticians. Not being a chipper charnel house mother, I felt I had to make the case for another category of happiness, the “Type C” personality.

“Type C” personlities are not Type As (testy toads) or Type Bs (placid pussycats). Your typical Type C is a mirthful minikin, (otherwise known as a good-natured, wee or dainty creature). This homo sapien personality simply adores the small but simple joys of life such as a serendipitous encounter with a sweet treat. And their favorite melt-in-your-mouth munchy is a jelly-bean.

To make a long story short, the “jelly bean” (a sugar coated candy) found its way into our lexicon almost a century ago. Known for their delightful diversity of colour, delicious flavour and sometimes odd texture, jelly beans are a “must have” for Harry Potter fans and damsels-in-distress.

Jelly beans are also great ice-breakers at slumber parties not to mention a “hot” topic around the wet-noodle water cooler. If nothing else, they’ll certainly add oodles of fun and frolic to the world of work. Let’s face it, they’re a pleasant relief from the daily deluge of pointless picayune meetings, spam email about products you don’t want, or vexing voice mail messages, (you really couldn’t give a sweet tweet about — even if it is from your best friend, The Easter Bunny).

The universe looks infinitely more palatable with a bit of jest and jiggle. And, the importance of this humble yummy for the tummy in the great scheme of things cannot be emphasized enough.

– “You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jelly beans.” (Ronald Reagan)

– “Life is like jelly beans, and sometimes you get your favorite color.” (Author Unknown)

– “A friend is like a bowl of Jelly Beans… Good to the bottom of the bowl.” (Author Unknown).

By the way, in case you’re wondering just how vital these chewy tidbits really are, why not take a pleasurable peek at more than 116,000 websites devoted to this tasty tongue-in-cheek topic. And do enjoy a licorice lick, a chocolate chomp or a green gigglebite on me, the next time your fickle fingers feel like visiting the jocular jelly-bean jar!!

About the Author

Victoria Elizabeth enjoys musing about Life, the Universe, and Everything in between from the pages of her bodacious blog aptly entitled, “The Quipping Queen” (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com)

You should be careful what you wish for. I know this because I knowed a guy who always used to wish he was a fly. He wished he was a fly so he could buzz around and go in peoples houses and listen on to what they was saying without them knowing he was there. He always would say, “I wish I could be a fly on the wall when those two are talking”, and he would spend a long time wishing he could be a fly and thinking about what it would be like to be a fly.

Then one night after he went to sleep he had a dream that he was a fly. In the dream he was buzzing around and he came upon this house that belonged to this guy that he always wanted to spy on and he thought to his self “I think I’ll go in that guy’s house and go land on his wall and listen in on what he is saying”, accept the door wasn’t open and none of the windows was open neither, and he had no way of getting in the house. So then he thought to his self, “I’ll just go ring the doorbell and when he opens the door to see who is there, I’ll buzz into his house and land on his wall and listen in on what he’s saying”. Accept he couldn’t ring the doorbell because flies aren’t strong enough to ring doorbells, plus they don’t have fingers.

So then he decided he would just wait until the guy came out of his house and then he would buzz in real quick and land on the wall and wait for him to come back, then he would listen in on what he was saying. Accept while he was waiting for the door to open he heard a buzzing sound, and he thought to his self, “I’ll go checkout that buzzing sound”. And when he got closer to the buzzing sound he saw another fly buzzing around something on the ground, he didn’t know what it was but it was lying in the grass, and there was a bunch of flies buzzing around it and landing on it, and most of the flies was eating it.

When he got closer one of the flies screamed at him, “Go away, this is ours and you can not have any of it!” and he realized what it was they was buzzing around and eating on and he said, “You guys are disgusting! I don’t want to eat any of that.” Accept it did smell kind of good, even though it smelled really bad. And he did want to try and taste it, just to see what it would be like. Accept he remembered that he had a job to do, he had to get into this guy’s house and land on his wall and listen in on what he was saying, so he went back and waited by the door again. Then finally the door opened, and he buzzed in real quick and landed on the wall and waited for the guy to come back.

While he was waiting for the guy to come back he thought to his self, “I think I’ll go explore around”, and he started buzzing around the house looking at what was in the house through his bug eyes, which is different than normal eyes. Then he came up to a window and looked through it and saw outside laying on the grass a pile of something. He thought to his self, “I think I’ll just try one taste to see what it’s like”, and he started flying towards the pile, accept something was in his way. He looked and didn’t see nothing in his way, so he tried flying towards the pile again, but something was in his way again. He looked again and didn’t see nothing in his way, so he tried flying towards the pile again, accept something was in his way again. Then he got really frustrated and started trying to fly towards the pile over and over again, but every time something was in his way, until finally he was so tired he couldn’t fly no more, and his exoskeleton was hurting like he might of cracked it, or at least bruised it a bit. So then he sitted in the window sill and thought about fly things for a while. I asked him what kinds of things flies think about and he said, “You wouldn’t understand unless you have ever been a fly,” and I said, “Oh”.

Then finally the guy came home and not long after he came home the phone rang and the guy picked it up and started to talk into it. So the guy who was having a dream about being a fly started buzzing around and looking for a place to land that was close to the guy, sense flies can’t hear very far. He saw something hanging from the ceiling, it was long and kind of spiraled, and also it smelled pretty good, and he thought to his self “I’ll just land hear and listen in on to what he is saying on the phone”. Accept when the guy would talk he couldn’t understand what he was saying. The guy talked for a long time but the guy who was dreaming he was a fly could not understand him. He saw another fly who had also landed on the long, spiraled thing and said, “How come I can not understand what he is saying? Can you understand what he is saying?”

The other fly said, “That’s because he is speaking English, and flies can’t understand English.”

And then the guy who was dreaming he was a fly said, “You mean flies can not understand what people say?”

And the other fly said, “No, flies can only speak Flynese. Flies cannot speak any other language but Flynese.

Then the guy who was dreaming he was a fly said, “This really sucks! I do not like being a fly! I don’t want to be a fly no more and I’m getting out of here,” accept when he went to buzz off, he couldn’t move.

“Argh!” the guy who was dreaming he was a fly said. “I can not move, it feels like my feet are glued to this long, spiraled thing. “Can you give me a hand, my feet are stuck”, he said to the other fly also sitting on the long, spiraled thing.

“I can not move neither, my feet are also stuck”, said the other fly.

The guy who was dreaming he was a fly looked around and saw a bunch of other flies on the long spiraled thing and said “Can one you gentlemen give me a hand, my feet is stuck?” Accept none of them could help him, cause all there feet was stuck too. He looked around at all the other flies and said to his self, “I do not want to be a fly no more. I wish I had never wished that I was a fly, I want to be a person again”.

Then he started thinking about fly things again, but he also thought a lot about all the wishing he had done that he was a fly. For a long time he thought to his self, “I wish I never wished I was a fly, because now I’m a fly and I don’t want to be a fly, I am going to die because my feet are stuck to this thing and I can’t get off it”, and he started crying, accept tears didn’t come out sense flies don’t have tears.

Then finally he woke up, and it took him a minute to realize that he was a person, not a fly. And he was so glad that he was a person and not a fly that he woke his wife up and made her say something to him so he could understand it in people language. Accept when his wife said something he could not understand it, and he was really scared and he screamed out “I’m still a fly!” accept he screamed this in Flynese, so his wife could not understand it sense it came out sounding like a bunch of buzzes in Morse code. Not real Morse code, it just sounded like Morse code. It sounded like “BUUUUZZZ! BUZZ! BUZZZZZ! BBBBUUUUZZZ! BUZZ!”, accept it sounded like his voice. It sounded like his voice screaming a bunch of buzzes.

It turned out that this guy had a weird condishun, I can not remember the name of it but it’s a disorder where people think they is insects. One time I watched a movie on t.v., it was about a lady who thought she was a dog and all she did was bark and she liked to have her belly rubbed a bunch and be petted. But I did not know people could think they was insects, it turns out that they can. There have only been 4 cases of this disorder that I know of, this guy was one of the cases. 2 of the other cases was guys who thought they was flies. I think they probably thought they was flies because they wanted to be flies so bad so they could spy on other people, like this guy. That is why you must be careful what you wish for, because if you wish you are an insect too much you might get a disorder where you think you are in insect.

Oh, the other case was a guy who thought he was a flee. I don’t think he thought he was a flee because he wished he was a flee, because there is no advantages to being a flee. I don’t know why he thought he was a flee, but I heard that his wife divorced him and that he had to have knee surgery on both knees because all the jumping he did while he thought he was a flee wore his knees out.

The guy who dreamed he was a fly came back to thinking he was a person, it took a sicatrist and a bunch of medicine, and I think that they might of shocked him a bit, but finally he came back to thinking he was a person, which is good because he is a person.

Now he tells everyone to be careful about what they wish for, and he tells them the story about him thinking he was a fly.

I know one thing for sure, that I’ll be careful what I wish for. I’ll be really careful to make sure I don’t wish I’m a fly too much, because it would be cool to be a fly and buzz around into peoples houses, but I would not want to be a fly sense flies can’t speak English. Also it would be bad to be a fly because flies like to eat poop, and they don’t know no better than to fly to a different window when they try to get through a window that is shut.

About the Author

A recovering moron. If you enjoyed this story, feel free to drop me a line at gboethin@yahoo.com.

Greg’s pithy quote for the day: The greener the grass, the more shit in the fertilizer.

This is my corollary to “The grass is always greener…..”

I’ve been doing some deep thinking the past few days in lieu of blogging. It doesn’t take much to get me into what I call “deep thought”. My minds “Hmmmmm” factor can be triggered by any number of outside stimuli. The trigger for my latest deep thoughts were triggered from a coffee session with Jaycee on Saturday and then a phone call from a friend that had recently been divorced and was touting the joys of his newfound freedom to me; the “poor miserable married slob” of 17 years.

I’ll start with Jaycee; we stopped at a local coffee chain to feed my caffeine addiction and get Jaycee a whole wheat bagel with eggs and sausage. We placed our order, paid the cashier and waited…. and waited. My coffee was served without real complication, but there must be some sort of rocket science involved in building a bagel breakfast sandwich. What Jaycee received the first time was a plain bagel with cream cheese. Jaycee repeated his order in slow, plain English. What we received back were looks of the dubious deer in the headlights. Seven minutes or so later, Jaycee receives a Croissant with egg and cheese. At this point I decided to be a little vocal, a little loud and a little rude. I expressed my displeasure and concluded with a “Speak English!” Bottom line, Jaycee got his wheat bagel sandwich the way he wanted; fifteen minutes or so later.

Now, I have nothing against immigrants, if you’re not a Native American/Indian from a tribe that can trace its history back beyond the pilgrims, you came from immigrants too. My beef is this; if you want to come to this country, learn the freaking language. Spanish is not the language of this country. It’s English. WAKE UP!! Also, what kind of business savvy is it to hire a bunch of people who haven’t mastered the English language and place them in a service based industry dealing with an English speaking population. This is not a recipe for customer service and will only lead to middle class English speaking people being pissed off and fighting the urge to reach across the counter and choke the shit out of your non English comprehending staff. Mister franchise proprietor, you may be saving money in the short term hiring these “Undocumented workers” and paying them crap and/or hiring foreigners who are willing to work your establishment for barely minimum wage. But what will you do when your customer base dissolves because your customers never get the right order and can’t communicate with your foreign staff? I’ll tell you, you go out of business. The long run blues. Even such a popular franchise can be blacklisted. Yours is not the only location in the area and competition for the coffee dollar is fierce.

Let me repeat, I have no ill will towards those hard working immigrants who come to this country (legally) and take jobs in order to support themselves and their families. God bless them. My rant, in this blog is aimed at those in management who exploits this and punishes the consumer for the sake of a short term dollar rather than a long term financial plan. Placing these workers in this situation is a mistake on managements part.

Item 2: “The greener the grass, the more shit in the fertilizer.” -Esper, copyright 8/02/2005. I get a quarter each time somebody quotes me : )

I hung up with my recently freed bud after hearing him sing the praises of his newfound bachlerhood. Here are some of the quotes that echoed in my head.
“Any babe any time I want now, no more begging for P_ _ _ _ from the same B _ _ _ _ who doesn’t want it.”

“No nagging if I come home late or have a few beers with the guys at the club.”
“No more sappy TV, the remote is mine.”
“Hunting season will be a blast, every afternoon I can hit the woods.”

Well, I’ve lifted enough quotes for the reader to get the message of the overall tone and flavor of the monologue/ dialogue. I freely admit that I would have griped back, but my wife was within earshot.

I gave my buds words some serious though, I know his ex, and have seen her at the club several times. She seemed like a decent sort, always pleasant. She pretty much catered to his every whim. She’d fetch him a fresh beer when his glass was empty, and let him beat her at pool. I’ve seen her play, for real, and she’s a shark with a que stick. I started looking over at buds grass on his side of the fence. It seemed awfully green compared to the summer scorched, tan grass covering the lawn of my life. Somehow I think my bud will be missing his ex, her cooking, her attention and the warmth of her body at night. (My friend has developed a post marriage beer body; he looks like a keg.) As I carefully picked apart our telephone call and his dialogue, I began to wade through all the fertilizer being used to make that grass seem so green.

What he said was true, He would not be nagged, but he never really was cuz his wife was usually with him at the club paying for his alcohol and hotdogs from her purse.

My friend’s wife was an avid NASCAR fan. Anyone who likes Dale Jr.’s #8 and Mike Waltrip’s #15 simply cannot be into sappy television.

My friend spent three weeks every year at deer camp in New Hampshire with a bunch of other club members. This was an expensive outing, yet for the 4 years I’ve been back at the club he’s always been on the trip. I remember him bragging about what a dynamo his wife was in the bedroom after six years of marriage, so I can only assume that there was still some bedroom activity occurring. My friend, in his current physical shape, and general sloppy appearance, wouldn’t attract anybody. I can’t see his nights being filled with hot steamy sex, unless he finds an expensive lady of the evening. The more I weighed the conversation and his proclamations of new found freedom the more they all somehow seemed to ring hollow. I remember seeing his wife at every club function, working in the kitchen or helping out in some capacity. I even saw her accompany him on one of the archery shoots, cheering him on at each target. I freely admit that she was very pleasant to look at, especially when she jumped up and down in that low cut blouse.

Suddenly the grass didn’t seem so green from my perspective. All of the bullshit spread on that side of the fence made a pretty lawn, but the closer I got to the grass the more it stank of B.S. fertilizer. I have a feeling my friend will be crying in his beer very shortly. No one to cook for him, do his laundry or buy his beer at the club. The more I analyzed his wife, the more I realized that she , perhaps, was looking for a greener pasture and found it someplace else, with somebody who spent more time appreciating her and all that she did. Maybe my friend was a fool who let a diamond slip through his grasp and hadn’t yet discovered all that he’d lost. Perhaps the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. I think my friend will find that out very soon. I’m sure his ex wife will find somebody new; I haven’t seen her car at the club parking lot since they split, which alone tells me that she only came for him. I wish her well, maybe she wanted more than what she had, maybe she actually saw a greener pasture. I hope, for her sake, that she’s found happiness. For after carefully examining my bud, he’s truly living in denial.

About the Author

Science Fiction writer and columnist. Please send comments to Sparhawk76@msn.com, I’d love some feedback

There are so many types of racing out there.You can watch Nascar,race in illegal street races,or even race little rascals against the people at the old folks home,but lets face it…these ways blow more than your mom.I am tired of seeing so many shitty ways of racing that I went out with a few of my friends and created a whole new way to do it.You see,some of you may be familiar with the Fisher Price toys Power Wheels right?You know the things that are made to look like popular real world cars and are made for little kids?

Well screw that because we found a much more kick ass use for them other than having some little kid running around at 3 MPH.That kind of shit is for pussies,I want some real speed in these beasts so one night we stole a few jeeps,with the little kid still in it(lie),and ripped all of the fucking gears out of it.Those gears hold back the entire jeep so it runs like shit.Than we stole two more,actually some old lady was throwing them out,and now we have the most kick ass racing in the world today.Behold,Power Wheels Racing,a new alternative for those who think racing is gay.The wrecks you see here are real.We’re going about 20-30 MPH in little fucking pieces of plastic.I mean,what’s more extreme than that?I beg you to find something.

When you wreck riding on one of these you get “Fucked Up”.Not just fucked up,but really mangled.We originally had 4 drivers,but he is dead now,don’t believe me?I don’t blame you because I’m making shit up again.Hell I wrecked one of these beasts and I still have scars from them,but that’s ok because the chicks dig the scars.They ask what it is and I tell them I got them from my racing career as a Power Wheels Racer.They jump all over me and start making out with me as soon as I say Power Wheels Racer.So I guess this article was just made to pimp out the site I made.Yes,I made that site too.It’s so fucking awesome that I think you’ll be jacking off to it in no time.

Oh yeah,I’ll have a video of me jumping one of those beasts in the next few days so keep an eye on it and sign the guestbook.Hos.

About the Author

The Epic is founder of his personal site The Epic Zone and Power Wheels Racing.

Manhattan is the heartbeat of New York City and has become one and the same with the city as a whole. The Island itself is home to Times Square, as well as a number of artistic and cultural centers. The Island of Manhattan can be roughly broken up into Downtown, Midtown and Uptown areas, each of which feature a number of outstanding attractions.

Positioned to the south of 14th Street, Downtown Manhattan is the location of the Financial District which runs along Wall Street, including the rebuilt World Trade Center and Battery Park, from which you can reach the Statue of Liberty by boat. A number of well liked cultural areas downtown, including Greenwich Village Tribeca and Soho feature old architecture, chic food and plenty of shopping. Another well liked target downtown is Manhattan, which runs along Canal Street.

The Midtown area is found between 14th Street and Central Park, and includes a prominent arts scene. The center|core|axis|hub|heart} of arts life in the metropolis is the Theater District which includes Broadway, Times Square and Hell’s Kitchen, as well as the Air & Space Museum. Midtown area of New York is a opportune spot for travelers to stay as there are scores of Manhattan hotels in the section. Other well liked districts comprise Gramercy Flat Iron, a trendy residential district, as well as the fashion obsessed Chelsea District.

Large amounts of real estate controlled by Central Park, Upper Manhattan features the Tisch Children’s Zoo, the MET and more than a few museums all over the Upper East and West side. Moreover, the section is the location of Columbia University in Morningside Heights, the old Harlem community and Washington Heights.

Every of the Island’s matchless areas hold their own sense of history, as well as well liked points of interest from outstanding arts to eats. A trip to New York is not complete without a extensive tour of Manhattan’s excellent places. There is a good reason that Manhattan has come to define the public face of New York city. Manhattan is one of the world’s premier cultural capitals and continues to set the standard in commercial and cultural trends.

Out of Africa An Improbable Tail
A few weeks ago there was a small stir of excitement in our area, which briefly lit up the gloom of our northern Scottish winter like the Northern Lights, which are quite visible to us at this latitude. Apparently a man - a Marine, no less - had walked, wearing nothing but a grin and a beard straight out of Lord of the Rings, from the south of England into Scotland, up past Loch Ness and the Highlands where I live, and on to the very northernmost point, John O’Groats - in winter. A Scottish winter, at that.

I’m not sure where his starting point was but he must have walked about six hundred miles. Forest Gump would have been impressed. It was either a very brave, or foolhardy course of action, depending on your point of view but it certainly bought him his fifteen minutes of fame. There he was on TV, being carefully filmed from the waist up, the way they used to film Elvis Presley in the early days.

“Everyone”, he said, “should be free to follow my example if they’ve a mind to”. ‘Not even as a joke’, thought the whole of Scotland, ‘and even less in winter’ The police didn’t see the funny side of it either. He was arrested five or six times and spent several nights in prison cells, covered by a blanket (the police’s idea, not his). I remember scanning the local papers for the headline ‘Man arrested for palely loitering’, but it wasn’t to be. I still think they missed one there.

” He was certainly persistant. He finally arrived at his destination and no, he didn’t throw himself off a high point into the North Sea, which some people thought (I won’t say hoped) might be the logical end to his journey. As far as I know he got dressed, took a train to his hometown and quietly faded back into obscurity, leaving us with a memory, like the Cheshire cat’s grin. All this was, I suppose, to make the point that he had the inalienable right to freeze anytime he had a mind to. Well, point taken, but this little saga set me thinking. Why have we never had our own coat, like other animals? ‘But we do’, I hear you cry, ‘and anyway I’m not an animal’. Oh yes you most certainly are, Madam, and besides, I mean the kind of coat you’re born with.

“Almost every animal, from a mouse to a moose has a coat. Ok, elephants don’t, and maybe hippos, but I suppose they have extra thick skin to compensate. No, beyond dispute, we are the only animal that has to keep warm by getting dressed every morning by the fire.
The reason we are coatless seems fairly obvious. Didn’t we start out under the hot sun of Africa, and so had no need of a natural coat? Hmm… then how about gorillas, who share 98% of our genes? They’re pretty hairy, no question, so why didn’t they shed their coat? You don’t see them prancing about in their bare skin?

Alright, let’s try it from a different angle. Why did we move out of Africa? I have a theory. Suppose the other animals started snickering behind their paws as they watched us tottering around on our spindly legs? Or maybe we just thought we detected a sardonic look or two. No, really, I’m serious. Anybody who’s ever played tag with a dog in the garden knows how clumsy they think we are. Just watch as Bracken feints to the left and then effortlessly switches direction in mid-stride as Master sprawls into the rosepatch. And they’re our friends.

We all know the human race is notoriously sensitive to criticism, and I don’t suppose the animal kingdom took us very seriously before we equipped ourselves with guns, boots, Landrovers etc. Perhaps a few of the more vulnerable and touchy families got together one day and decided to head out for colder climes, where it would be possible to dress up and hide their bony knees without feeling they were being stared at.

I read somewhere that the whole population of northern Europeans could be traced back to about five gene types (genotypes?). If I understand this right it means that around five families were responsible for the diversity of virtually the whole of Western culture from Boadicea (Boudicca to Guardian readers) to George Bush. Nepotism on a grand scale. So, bearing this true and staggering fact in mind, my theory about our neurotic ancestors could account for a lot of things, couldn’t it?

What do you mean, ‘In a pigs eye’? Don’t you know people laughed at Darwin when he brought out his theory, and they would certainly have done the same to Einstein if they’d understood what he was talking about? Anyway, if I’m right, my idea throws some light on seemingly irrational activities like war, mud wrestling and round-the-world yacht racing.

A large claim, you may say, but consider; those pioneer Europeans who came trudging all the way from the plains of Africa (I seem to recall reading in a book by H.G.Wells that they came from India, but I’ll think about that tomorrow); these hardy pioneers, like so many Pilgrim Fathers searching for a new horizon, went to an awful lot of trouble just to soothe their wounded dignity and avoid ridicule. (Remember? They were laughed out of Africa? - try to keep up, it all fits).

Now, does any of this seem familiar? You betcha. It’s the M.O. of just about every politician you ever heard of. One imagined slight and you have shoes banged on conference tables, and sanctions applied at the very least, and at the worst - well, you know what I’m saying. And there you have it. These are the same guys who led us out of swampy old Africa in the year dot - give or take a couple of millennia.

Neat theory,eh? Better than the string theory. I wonder why nobody ever thought of it before? It’s a pity though, that it doesn’t seem to have any practical application. I mean, you couldn’t gather up all our leaders and put them back in the African veldt. Could you?

As for our friend the intrepid Marine, who trekked all the way up north in his birthday suit - he’s done Scotland; maybe he should try Africa next.

James Collins
http://www.pet-portraits-scotland.com
email: collinsdallasart@tiscali.co.uk

About the Author

James Collins is an artist, writer and musician who works in the Highlands of Scotland. These days he specialises in portraits of pets and other animals, but he still finds time to paint and draw the beautiful and rugged Scottish landscape. He lives with his wife, daughter and three dogs in a house overlooking the Moray Firth.

Miss Rhode Island: Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn’t buy them for me. She said they were Satan’s panties!

Gracie Hart: You think I’m gorgeous. You want to kiss me. You want to hug me. You want to love me. You want to hug me. You want to smooch me. You want to…

Gracie Hart: It’s lite beer and she’s gonna throw it up anyway.

Miss Rhode Island: That’s a tough one. I would have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

Gracie Hart: I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night. I’m starved, AND I’m armed! Don’t MESS with me!

Kathy Morningside: Of course he had a gun. This is Texas! Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!

Victor Melling: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.

Victor Melling: I’m sorry. What was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.

Miss New York: I just want to let all the lesbians out there know if I can make the top ten, so can you!

Gracie Hart: And if anyone, anyone tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take them out. I would make them suffer so much that they’d wish they were never born. And if they ran, I would hunt them down. Thank you, Kathy.

Gracie Hart: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something

http://www.themoviequotesite.com/miss-congeniality-quote.html

About the Author

None

WHO’S THAT KNOCKING AT MY DOOR? (1967) is probably Martin Scorcese’s first film. I bet it is also Harvey Keitel’s first film who showed up in response to an “actors wanted” ad that then NYU graduate student Scorcese ran in the local paper.

The shooting started in 1964 and ended up 4 or 5 years later, with some of the bedroom scenes shot in Holland.

It’s the story of a young good for nothing guy from Little Italy just bumming around with his friends and falling in love with a girl, blond and non-Italian, who is just a size too big for his conservative and male chauvinistic values.

Haunting B&W camera work foretells the great director of the future (who still is without an Academy Award of his own at this writing in 2006 despite having been nominated 6 times).

Choppy editing but surprise! It’s the same Thelma Schoonmaker who edited this “student film”. She will of course collaborate on many other projects with Marty and end up winning TWO Editing Oscars (for The Aviator in 2005 and Raging Bull in 1980).

The story line is nothing to write home about - young bum for whom women are either “girls” or “broads” and “whores” tries to find happiness as the world and his own background conspire against him. But young Keitel and Scorcese treat us to the raw talent that will eventually evolve into a focus of major fascination for us all movie fans and writers.

A 6 out of 10.

Ugur Akinci, Ph.D. is a Creative Copywriter, Editor, an experienced and award-winning Technical Communicator specializing in fundraising packages, direct sales copy, web content, press releases and hi-tech documentation.

He has worked as a Technical Writer for Fortune 100 companies for the last 7 years.

You can reach him at writer111@gmail.com for a FREE consultation on all your copywriting needs.

Please visit his official web site http://www.writer111.com for customer testimonials and more information on his multidisciplinary background and career.

The last book he has edited: http://www.lulu.com/content/263630

Growing up I was always an entrepreneur. I really enjoyed selling things to people that they needed and making a profit from my efforts.

But as I got older and my ambitions grew I found it harder and harder to market things to people because I looked so young and people didn’t take me seriously based on prejudice.

The Internet changed everything for me. Online marketing allowed me to use my brains and without being judged based on how I looked was able to sell a product to thousands of people who did take me seriously based on the merit of my product and marketing in my strategies.

Internet marketing platform took what used to be a weakness and turn it into a strength.

The hardest thing getting started in Internet marketing is knowing what direction to go in, go to believe as far as advice and information, what information is important to your particular goals and strategies, and what information will help you at all.

In my journey to learn online marketing I jumped or lots of groups to figure out what was the basic knowledge and needed and what was his opinion in other people’s ideas of how to apply the same basics.

If I were to give somebody starting out invites I would tell you to try to elicit the things that keep repeating which are generally the basics and at first they ignore the things that seem like someone else’s idea of a strategy.

Once you get the basics down and you understand how the basic online-marketing works then you can elicit your own wisdom would strategies may or may not work for you, or your foundation will be based on some else’s opinion on cold hard foundation of facts.

Did you know that since May 12 fragments of the Schwassmann Wachmann Comet 73P have been whizzing by Mother Earth with some as close as six million miles away? One former NASA Space Trainer Eric Julien, also a spiritual guru says that on or about May 25 one of these following fragments is going to hit Earth. NASA says; “No Way, not possible” yet Eric has been warning people along the Eastern Seaboard about a huge Tsunami. Sounds like Sci Fi when you here the scenario; A giant Comet Fragment hits the Mid Atlantic Ridge, causing seismic activity and Super Plume burst of Volcanic Eruption and sends a 600 foot high Tsunami towards the Eastern Seaboard killing 50 million people? Not such a hot way to fix over population is it?

The scenario brought forth by Eric Julien is interesting to consider and should be studied, as some day such an improbable thing will occur as it has occurred in the past, just like someone will win the lottery and many people each year will be hit by lightning. Something like this could very well happen in the next 500 million years or so; if that makes sense. It therefore behooves us to consider all possible, even if improbably scenarios and be prepared for any potential eventuality of such, as we owe it to our civilization to be prepared just in case.

As we know events like that have happened in the past and will happen again. It is simply the luck of the draw and cataclysmic evolution of the Planet. The signs are everywhere when we look at the geological record in fact. It would be smart to be smart and cover our bases. Should you run for cover and batten down the hatches? Well probably not, no worries, just another sound byte in the chaos and controversy of the mass media fringe perhaps. Consider all this in 2006; who knows maybe they will make a movie out of it?

“Lance Winslow” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/